I met the friendliest cop last night
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
