yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize