Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
how drunk are you?
Several
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
