I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
this hospital has no fireball
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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