if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
