woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
