He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
