I just cut my nipple shaving
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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