last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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