I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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