He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
