Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
