I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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