i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's not a walk of shame if you run
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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