it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
