I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
