I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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