I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
It's Friday. Sex?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
