You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
