Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
