half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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