I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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