so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
