listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
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