I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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