i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
