apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
