Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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