There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I fill condoms, not promises.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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