I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
