I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
