Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
