$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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