walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
