We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
