Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
