He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
