I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
