dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
