You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
