Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
