1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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