Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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