You're my little dorito
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
two words: eviction party
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
