I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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