i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
