His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
