Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
