So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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