mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
