my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
