I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
