that's an acceptable place to lick
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
