Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
