i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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