I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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