I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
