It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
