I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
