OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
